Children need to know parents are on their team. When children feel this way, they are much more trusting and more likely to listen to their parents. They are also more willing to hear “No” and follow ground rules at home. It helps create a more happy, loving dynamic between parent and child.

Here are a few suggestions that have worked for Team Young.

First, we try to truly embrace this concept. We strive to make sure that everything we do for our children is done because we are all on the same team. Whether it’s a reward or punishment, children need to understand that parental decisions are made in the best interest of the team and with consideration of their feelings and needs.

Next, because we know how quickly “patience runs thin”, we really try not to depend on it. Rather, we rely on understanding and empathy. We try to step into our children’s shoes; try to perceive the world from their perspective, experience, strength, and brain development. We attempt to understand how hard it is for a child to break out of a tantrum or stubborn behavior in certain circumstances. Really trying to understand each child, and the way she handles difficult situations, helps us respond more sympathetically.

Making time to connect with our children and enjoy their company is so important- Whether it’s going out for lunch, or just hanging out at home, children want to feel that her parents enjoy spending time with them. We want them to know they are our top priority. Private time with a child always includes active listening; showing them that we are really interested in hearing what they have to say and that we respect them as people. Setting aside a “phone free zone and time” is one way to accomplish this. Time without outside interruptions is key. That includes answering the phone and doorbell. We make sure to comment on what they say without judgment and use their ideas to start a conversation. This very much helps a child feel that we are on his team.

We try to weigh out every situation with thoughts of, “am I doing this because it’s what’s best for my child? Am I taking his feelings into account? Is this something he is realistically capable of? Is this respectful to my child?” “Are my expectations age and brain appropriate?” It is important to know each child, their needs, and feelings in any given situation. Considering our children’s feelings and respecting them as people, is a major way they grow up feeling that we care about them. We are always looking out for their best interest. We are on the same team.

Another important thing we do is tell our children that we’re on their team. We often tell our children that we are always there for them, or that they can tell us anything in the world. So, too, we should also tell them that we are “always on their team” or “always on their side”. Hearing this message will help them feel and believe that we are on their team. Obviously, listening and respecting doesn’t always mean agreeing. What it means is that even when we are disagreeing, or giving a consequence, it is coming from a place of us being on their team and wanting and therefore doing what’s best for them. When done this way, children feel the safety and love within the discipline, even though they may be resistant to it.

These are a few of the main strategies to enable our children to feel that we are on their team. Helping them feel this way is one of the most important gifts we can give them.  It is truly the foundation for creating a positive and healthy parent-child relationship.

(part of the “Parental Tips and Lessons series”)