July is nearly here, which means summer is well underway. Yay!!!!!

Oh summer, how we love thee so much! Ever wonder why that is? Why we get that “warm” and excited feeling inside as the temperature starts to rise and the sun shines longer and stronger each day.

It’s the anticipation of summer, and we are in the midst of it right now.Yes, we are so lucky!

I think that the onset of summer is exciting for many different reasons.  First, no matter how old we are, we can never forget the feeling that we all had when we were younger, as school was coming to a close. While it was a feeling of accomplishment, it was also an extremely freeing feeling. For the next 12 weeks we were free! No homework or tests. No getting out at the crack of dawn to make the school bus, no pressure, no studying, no worrying, no real responsibilities.Our only job was to have fun.  It was almost too good to be true! What an amazing thing it was. We had the opportunity to just “Be” for a little while.  Seems so healthy. Wouldn’t it be nice to have such an opportunity as an adult? Who says it’s hard being a kid?

Even though we’re not in school anymore, we can share in our children’s excitement around the school year coming to a close. While being happy for them of course, we can also reminisce about our own “end of school year “and the feelings it conjures.

Summer is such a happy time. The weather brings about a more “sunny disposition”. Whichever ways our childhood summers were spent, we all have such fond memories of those times. Some of us went to day camp, others to sleep away camp. Then there were those of us who spent our summers with our family, either going on vacation, or just hanging at home.

My fondest childhood memories are of when we went up to the “Mountains” each summer. You see, I grew up in “Sunny Florida” which enabled me to play in the sun all year long. When summer came, it got so hot, that we decided to escape to upstate New York, to the Catskill Mountains.

My father would rent a U-Haul, and attach it to the back of our car. We would load it up with everything needed for the next two months. Everything, from clothing, to toys, to pots and pans, it all went in to the U-Haul. We would drive for the next 48 hours, stopping at a motel for the night. The journey alone was part of the whole experience. After two days of driving we would finally approach our destination. That was the most exciting few minutes. We would all sing, and laugh, and squeal in excitement!

We would stay in one of the eighty, tiny, run down cottages that made up what was known as a Bungalow Colony. It was sort of like a sleep away camp, but for families. There were many such colonies in Ulster and Sullivan counties about 120 miles northwest of New York City. City families would leave the hot city for the “Mountains” as the area was called. We children would spend our time at day camp on the premises, while our parents would play tennis, sit by the pool, and keep up the cottage. We would come home at 12:30 each day for a yummy home cooked meal. After running around, playing sports, swimming and crafting, Mom’s fresh lunches were a real treat. After lunch we ran to line up at the flagpole, for the start of an afternoon filled with fun. We didn’t go on many trips. Come to think of it, we hardly left the premises. We were so content running around outside and breathing in the country air.We had color war, games, and movie night. We also put on a show at the end of the summer. We were so happy being there. We formed lasting relationships, as we met up with the same friends each summer. It was always exciting to see how everyone changed over the school year.

Today, I spend summers with my family. It is different than it was back then. Now, I am the Mommy. You know, the one making those yummy homemade lunches 😉 We stay at home and the kids don’t go to camp. We spend our days going on family days trips. We call it “Camp Young”. We go boating, to amusement parks, water parks and more…. We have a great time going to really fun places, and enjoying quality time together as a family.

Someday, I would love to bring my children to the Bungalow Colony where I spent my happy summers as a child. I often tell my children stories about my times there, and would love for them to experience it firsthand. Until then, we are very happy spending our summers in “Camp Young”. And as for now, let’s all get excited, because in a few weeks we’ll be grabbing our suits and heading for the pool!!!(Last one in is a rotten egg)!

Last week we spoke about sibling rivalry, and how to Neutrally Report among children who are in the midst of a conflict. I wanted to add that a mother should only interject, when either of the children requests help. Most of the time, kids can work things out by themselves. That is of course the best option. It is so tempting for us to jump in and save little Tommy. Or catch and punish big Mickey. These feelings are coming from a deeper place in us that is not necessarily what is best for the child. We need to practice holding back in these situations. That is what is truly best for children.

As Mothers we can usually tell when we must get involved, from the sounds (or lack thereof), coming from the other room. If we are not sure, we can always pass by their room “on the way to the laundry room”, and eavesdrop to get a better idea of what’s going on. We can also call from the other room and say, “I hear some noise coming from your room. Is everything okay?” This way we can get an idea of what’s going on without unnecessarily interjecting.

Now that we have discussed when to interject, and how to Neutrally Report, we can move on to helping the children come up with a solution.

Let’s say for example two kids are fighting over a ball. You hear the younger one call for Mommy, and you go to his assistance. You immediately remove the ball and put it out of reach.

(There is a rule that must be established beforehand. If either child is holding on to the object of discussion, and won’t give it up, or takes it back without permission, the toy automatically goes to the other child, with no further discussion.)

Just as with Neutral Reporting, Mom now asks the children what happened.” Can someone tell me what happened?” Both children will try to answer at once. Appoint one child at a time to say their piece. After hearing each child’s side, you then repeat the scenario as it was reported. Stay as close to the children’s words as possible. For example:

“Tommy, you were having a great time playing with the ball. You suddenly heard Mickey scream,’ hey, that’s my ball that Grandma bought for me last year’. He then tried to force it out of your hands.”

You then turn to Mickey and say, “Mickey, you didn’t realize that Tommy was playing with the ball. When you saw that he had the ball, you wanted it, because it is your ball.”

Here is where the solution process begins. Mom now says,” It seems that both of you want the ball. Can anyone come up with a solution that can make you both happy?”

Each child will think for a minute and then offer their solution. No matter what the solution is, (it could be totally selfish or ridiculous) it must be considered.

For example-

Mickey says that he should get the ball since it’s his, and Tommy should find another toy to play with. Mom’s job now is to reiterate Mickey’s solution back to Tommy, and see what he thinks, even though Tommy was most probably standing right there, and heard it. This way things are done in a more orderly fashion, with Mom acting as the Neutral Reporter once again. So Mommy says, “Tommy, Mickey said that he would like to get the toy since it’s his, and you should find something else to play with. Does that work for you?”

Tommy will most likely say no. In that case, you ask if either child has any other solutions.  You continue Listening to solutions, Neutrtally Reporting them back to the children, and Asking the other child if it Works For Him. If the children involved seem to be running out of suggestions, Mom can always offer some suggestions. Another sibling or friend may be asked for suggestions as well. At some point both children will agree upon a solution. If they don’t, and it’s carrying on for too long, then Mom can decide to put the discussion on hold for now, and come back to it a little later. In the meantime, they can play with something else.

By the way, if Tommy happens to agree with the first solution, no matter how unfair you may think it is, especially if he’s always the one giving in, you go with it. Mom should say “excellent job! You guys came up with a solution all by yourselves, and so quickly. Thank you Tommy for letting your brother have the ball. That was so selfless and kind of you.” By thanking and praising Tommy, Mom is empowering him. Instead of it seeming like Tommy is weak and the one who always gives in, it seems that this is a decision that Tommy has made for the sake of peace. Let him know how respectable his decision is.

In our home we have a rule that when someone gets a new toy, no other child may play with it without permission. That rule also applies to something that may be very special to a child even long after its new, for example: his blankie, her favorite doll. Something is considered new for as long as it seems to be important to the child. Objects usually stay “new” for about 3 months. When the child is ready, the toy is consigned to the general toy population, and is no longer an attachment object. It is now a family toy and can be played with by any child without permission. Such is the case of the ball in this story.

The solution finding process accomplishes a few things. It gives some time for everyone to calm down, and to talk things out in a more civil way. It is also helps each child learn to consider everyone’s needs, and how to compromise on certain things for the sake of peace.

Here are a few popular solutions that we have come up with-

Timed Turn Taking: Set a time limit so each child may play with the toy for a specific number of minutes. The children have the same time limit to play with the toy, alternating turns. Keep the parameters specific so there is little chance for misunderstanding.

First is Not Necessarily the Best: Another twist on sharing is that the person who gets the toy first has a shorter time to play with it than the one who gets it second.

Special Share: One child gives the other child one of his special toys, while he gets to play with the toy in question.

Sometimes one of the children may just say” forget it, he can have it”, because he’s not interested in going through the whole process. I love it when that happens. In that case, you obviously praise that child for giving up the toy.

My two sons were once fighting over a specific toy. I came in and started the solution process. My older son looked at me and said, “Mommy, I don’t like coming up with a solution, because by the time we’re done, I don’t even want the toy anymore!” I said, “Okay great, then you can just let your brother have it now.” And he did!

(part of the “Parental Tips and Lessons series”)

Hey everyone, I’m back; and feeling much more refreshed after a nice evening out with my hubby. Sorry to have kept you waiting. Where were we?

Oh yes, we were up to the part where my two boys were killing each other, and needed to me to save the day. Sound familiar to anyone?  Well, with this new technique you can worry no more. It is simple and it works. Sounds surreal, right?

Ok, here it is-

1) Calmly, and carefully step into the argument (you wouldn’t wanna lose a leg). If there is an object being fought over, remove the object and put it out of reach.

2) Next step is to figure out what happened, whilst still remaining calm. In this case, I was summoned by one of the children involved, so I said, “I heard you call for me.”  Otherwise one would say, “What happened?” or, “What’s going on guys?”

3) Both children will try to answer at once.  So it is important to say, “Seth, you tell me first, and then I want to hear from Nathan.” On different occasions, and I’m sure we will all be presented with many; try to switch off which child you ask first, so neither will feel like you “always” ask the other child to tell his side first.  There must also be a rule that neither child may interrupt the other. If they ever try to, which they probably will, than Mom needs to gently remind them of the rule.

4) Now, Mom listens to what child #1 says. For example-“Nathan took my dinosaur figurine away!”And here is the part where you become the “Neutral Reporter” (I know you’ve all been waiting to understand the title of this blog). You simply, neutrally, report back to child#2, what child # 1just said. “Seth, Nathan said that you took his dinosaur figurine away from him.”

5) Child#2 will most definitely respond, without even needing to be told that it’s now his turn to speak. It may sound something like this, “Well, I was playing with it first. I left the room for a minute, and when I came back, Seth had the dinosaur, and I wanted it back.” You then neutrally report back to Seth. “Nathan said that he had it first, and left the room for a minute, and when he came back you had the dinosaur, and he wanted it back.”

6) Child #1 will most probably respond, saying, “But I thought he was done playing with it.” He might also add,” and it looked like so much fun when he was playing with the dinosaur, so I wanted a turn too.”

7) Time to neutrally report back again. You may even want to play it up a bit here, and add to your neutral report that, “sometimes, when you play with toys, you make it look like so much fun, that other people want to play with them too”.

8) The process of “neutral reporting” continues until 1 of 2 things happen.  The boys have calmed down, because they’ve been heard, and are ready to go back to playing; either with another toy, or sharing the toy they were just fighting over. Or one, or both of the boys, though they are probably much calmer, still wants the dinosaur figurine for themselves, and a solution must be agreed upon.

If the latter is the case, then don’t fret. Next blog will explain, “Helping Children come up with a Solution”.

Btw, this whole process took about 5 minutes. Afterwards, I was able to get everything done in time, and I felt like a super hero! My favorite thing about Neutral Reporting though, is that it models healthy communication for our youngsters. And if we do it enough times, then one day they will be able to do it by themselves!

(part of the “Parental Tips and Lessons series”)

As parents, we all have our good days, and our not so good days. We hope and pray the good days outweigh the bad ones, simply because, they’re much more pleasant for everyone.

Since I enjoy having pleasant days, I decided to be proactive in facilitating more of them, and signed up for a parenting class. I figured that if anything, it couldn’t hurt.

Boy, did I underestimate the greatness of this class. Not only did it not hurt; it helped me tremendously. It taught me how to be more understanding with my children, and gave me lots of great strategies to pull out, when necessary.

Here’s a tale that gives a great example of how, and when to use one of the many strategies, I have been so fortunate to have learnt. I am sure you will implement it into your daily lives, once you realize how simple, and effective it is.

It was five o’clock, on a Tuesday afternoon. All was quiet in the “Young” home. I had ten minutes to finish forming the meatballs, (which were anxiously waiting to jump into the pot of boiling sauce), before having to pick up my oldest daughter Judy from play practice.

Seth and Nathan were happily playing in their room together, and Sandy was in the kitchen with me. All of three years old, she was attempting to form meatballs, with her tiny, velvety hands.  Adorable as it may have been, I definitely had to practice my patience throughout.

Suddenly, one of the most dreaded sounds, for a Mommy to hear, was articulated, oh, so loudly.

“Moooommmyyyyy……”

“Oh no”, I thought. “No, No, No”. “This can’t be happening now!” Seth and Nathan were in the midst of a major “wrestling match”, and they were expecting me to interject.

Tonight, of all nights was not the time for this. You see, I had a date with my husband at 7:30. We had plans to go to a new fancy restaurant, to celebrate. What were we celebrating? Well, I guess just that we were out at a restaurant together, with no kids, and no noise.

How was I going to deal with this “fight”, and still get out on time? I wasn’t sure, but I knew that I had to come up with a solution quick. I also knew that I had to make sure to serve dinner by 6, so that I would then have time to straighten up, and bathe Sandy, before sneaking out; while Heidi, our beloved babysitter, would take over.

I decided to take a few deep breathes and think for just a moment; and then it hit me. I could use the strategy called “Neutral Reporting” that I had learnt in my wonderful parenting class.

Maybe I would make it out to dinner on time after all….

Stay tuned for part 2. (sorry to have cut this short , but, I think I hear my husband beeping!)

(part of the “Parental Tips and Lessons ” series)

I’ll never forget playing “House” when I was a child.  One of my friends would come over to play, and we would get to work. First, we would lay out all of the toys needed. Next, we would take turns choosing which toys we would each be using. It was always hard to give up on a certain doll or kitchen set that one of us  really wanted. In retrospect, it was a good way for us to work on refining our character traits at such a young age.

Once all of the toys were divided, we then proceeded to each build our own mini “Home” within the four walls of my modest bedroom. We would set up, and then play for hours, as if time didn’t exist. There was nothing more fun, than “playing mommy”.

Today I am a mommy of four. While I adore my precious children, and am so grateful for each one of them, I could think of a lot more things I would rather be doing than “playing Mommy for a day”.

In the real life of a mommy, time does really exist. We are choosing real ”toys” for the game called ”life”, (and hopefully ,consciously working on our character traits as well).

We spend hours each day cooking, cleaning ,organizing, working ,  refereeing, deciding, shopping, playing, holding, hugging, kissing, mending, carpooling…… the list is endless,  as all Mommies know. While it is rewarding, it is not easy. And still our children immensely enjoy mimicking the role, and playing it for hours.

We must be good at making “playing Mommy for a day” look like fun. Hard to imagine, but it must be so, since little girls all over the world spend much of their free time playing “Mommy”. Go us! We’re awesome!

While we don’t play our role for honor or acknowledgement, it’s not so bad for us to have one day a year devoted to us Mommies; a day set to acknowledge one of the hardest, yet most fulfilling jobs in the world, called, “Mommy”.

That said, to all of the daughters and sons out there (who may even be parents themselves). Don’t forget to pick something up for your devoted Mommy, on  Mother’s Day. Remember to give her a big hug and kiss. You can even  tell her you love her too;)

Don’t forget, Mother’s Day is May 12th, click here to shop our Moms category.